Last night, we sat down and watched the beginning of 2005’s Fantastic Four as well as the set piece at the end. “We” being the whole family sans baby. I was impressed with Chris Evans’ naked torso as the actor gallivanted around the set with a pink ski jacket wrapped around his midsection. Looking back, it reminds me of a childhood friend’s demeanor, a boy who brought much joy to my life. I said DEMEANOR. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Chris Evans is one of those actors who upon first glance might appear to be nothing more than a mactor, but that’s an unfair descriptor. To carry the likings of one of the most beloved and well known Marvel characters for 106 minutes on the silver screen is no easy feat. Kudos to you, Mr. Evans for your work on this role here and in the 2007 sequel.
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Last Thursday evening, my Tim and I sat down and talked. He’d recently returned from an out of town adventure the week prior. We talked about holiness (being set apart). We talked about one of his children. Specifically, how his sinful behavior as a father could ultimately affect this particular little one. That seemed to hit home, whereas the call to holiness had fallen flat.
Then I asked the question, “What’s it going to take to get you to stop using internet pornography?” after tilting my head forward from the weight of the log sticking out of my eye.
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This morning I lay down on the couch after baby woke up at 5:30 AM. My routine is to go get her out of her crib on the other side of the house while the wife uses the restroom before returning baby to our bedroom in preparation to nurse. After delivering the kidlet to mother’s breast, I’m usually off to the couch to steal just a few more minutes of shut eye despite the fact that the sun’s already up. This is not a restful sleep because baby doesn’t nurse for more than a few minutes. Afterwards, she sits up and talks, coos, laughs. As it did this morning, the sound is usually carried to my ears through our not so big house despite the fact that I have a decorative throw pillow over my head.
Eventually, I sat up. And I instantly remembered Chris Evans’ pink ski jacket scene. I could clearly see his partially naked chest within my mind’s eye. Then I felt it. And I do mean felt the voracity associated with wanting to sexualize this image.
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“I need to deal with my Dad.” was Tim’s reply. He went on to talk about writing him a letter in an attempt to initiate a conversation about their past and present relationship. Tim hasn’t really spoken to his father in six months.
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Chris Evans, in the scene that I watched, qualified himself as a potential candidate for my own mental exploitation. An exploitation that would be augmented and exponentially enhanced (or vice versa) by a virtual sexual experience i.e. masturbation.
Saturday night, we (same group) watched the Star Trek Voyager episode Day of Honor. In it, the holodeck is featured. My children asked if the character who utilized the virtual reality space was dreaming during that particular sequence. After the episode was done, I tried to explain the concept of the holodeck but was unsuccessful.
Even if technology existed that could provide us with something related to a virtual reality space like these in Star Trek, they’d only be necessary if we were to somehow lose our ability to cultivate an emotional response via our own God given imaginations as humanity continues forward. And that’s not likely to happen. I find that the only thing that truly dissipates this gift is the aging process itself due to the patterned routines of our lives, but even the very wise can be carried away on occasion at a moment’s notice within the right circumstances.
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Tim’s Dad divorced his mother when he was a young boy. He remembers the conversation they had when he was told the news, but he also holds on to the good times that he had with this affectionate man prior to him abandoning the family. You could say he got just enough of a taste of what it meant to have that nurturing, fulfilling father / son relationship to truly understand the consequences of his father’s philandering and eventually his parents’ divorce. Tim played varsity football in high school. He wasn’t a big player, therefore he didn’t have much field time, but nonetheless he went out every year. And every year he longed for his Dad to see him play despite the reality that he lived in another city and could only “make it happen” occasionally. Once a season, he’d show up and after the game he’d come out onto the field to give his son a hug, telling him how proud he was to see him play. This was all this very needy boy was able to get from his Dad, despite the continual observation of his peers’ fathers' constant presence. All the while, he tried to stay positive and optimistic on the surface not knowing how to deal with the disappointment, anger, outrage that was churning away within his psyche.
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Hard core masturbation is nothing more than a virtual sexual experience. It’s porn theater of the mind augmented by the pleasing physical sensations emulating from the stroked, erect penis as it is manipulated as if on cue from some profane score.
“A little slower”
“With feeling”
“Fast and with gusto!”
“With lubricant”
The end result is an amazingly convincing emotional microcosm – for what could be more so for an emotionally wounded though physically healthy male than this - especially when time and energy is of the essence?
Call it a quick fix. Call it an injection of pleasurable emotionagra that serves to temporarily bleach one’s pain while fulfilling the necessary posturing so critical to proclaiming maleness i.e. blow past the critical, leaving it to continue festering, whilst doing what only we MEN can do…and do so well. What’s gained is seven minutes of bliss and that many more steps taken away from one (of many) of the critical steps God’s placed in front of you. Steps toward Him which are always steps towards GROWTH no matter how difficult they may be.
Watching Chris Evans lookalikes have sex with themselves or each other…sucking, stroking, humping, abusing, torturing…whilst masturbating oneself is norm for pagan gay men today. It is the norm. Whether they’re using their smartphone, laptop, desktop, or tablet PC, so long as they have enough privacy…they’re doing it. Over and over again. This is the end of temptation’s road. This is where they get off.
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Tim started masturbating at age 18. He found softcore porn on cable television which he had to sometimes work hard to gain access to. Eventually, he stumbled upon the internet. A dial up connection eventually became broadband… Masturbating three times a day sometimes occurred if the images were stimulating enough and the internal pain too severe. Pete and repeat. Over and over again. Deep crevices now exist between his synapses relative to this behavior. Pathways that by default are so ingrained within his being that very little if any conscience thoughts / feelings linger there at all.
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So, now I wait on Tim to “deal with his father” as this pattern of internet porn use continues. He claims he’s going to write him a letter, using it as a vehicle for communicating his wants / needs relative to the past and the present. We’ll see…
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What’s Satan using that’s more in his favor within your life than in your own? Is it film? Television? Periodicals? Is it a place? A certain item of clothing? A time of day? A season of the year? A time of life?
[This would also be a great question for Tim.]
Every Christian finds themselves in those circumstances, either willingly or surprisingly time and time again. Many years ago, I was at a point in my life where I chose to stop watching television because it was
1. a huge waste of my time
2. I found myself repeatedly distracted by the Chris Evans’ of that era. Too bad actors aren’t fat and ugly…across the board (either then or now).
Before I could accomplish this, item number 1 had to be completely solidified within my mind.
Age has helped as well. I see things more clearly now and the emotional voracity tied to the temptation associated with hardcore masturbation simply isn’t as intense. Plus, that idea is mated to ultimately using internet porn which I cannot imagine doing on account of me looking like my young Tim. The more I see of him, the more I hurt on account of the many, many steps he continues to take AWAY from maturity and ultimate growth in Christ.
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Please pray for Tim to have the courage and to make the time to write and deliver this letter. And pray for me as I continue to minister to him. It continues to be a privilege to know this man as we continue to work to get through this together.
