When I was a younger man, I attended a weekend retreat. An old acquaintance happened to be there with me as a counselor of sorts. Singing was one of the activities that we participated in. This acquaintance was standing close enough for me to get a solid dose of his tone deafness on numerous occasions as we sang and sang and sang that weekend.
And I mean, this man was tone deaf. His sense of pitch was abysmal. To stand next to him and listen to that wretched cacophony was really tough. His deep, powerful voice didn’t help matters. I literally could hear nothing but him and each time it made my ears bleed.
I can’t remember ever hearing another man with a worse singing voice. Let’s hope there isn’t anyone out there that can top it.
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I’ve sent emails by the thousands to friends over the years. Friends all over the world and some right across town. I love email. It is amazing. Probably more amazing than anything other than this blog. This blog is mind blowing, but I digress.
On more than one occasion, I’ve sent emails that were tone deaf. Literally as deafening as the man’s voice described above. Hurtful, hurtful stuff. Sometimes, this was intentional, but oftentimes it was not. It was ridiculousness. Too little time (if any time at all) spent thinking about the individual on the receiving end and what they will “hear” through my words.
Let me say that again: (I spent) Too little time (if any time at all) thinking about the individual on the receiving end and what they would “hear” through my words.
When this has occurred in the past, I’d usually chosen to blaze through my electronic writing, read and re-read my composition swiftly, edit a little here and there and then immediately hit the “send” button as if I were competing in an email marathon. It would only be a short time later that I would begin to regret ever hitting that button after re-re-reading the email again and again and again. Can you relate to this ridiculousness? I hope not, but if so…
what’s to be done?
For me, I’ve learned to apologize for my tone via either a follow up email or telephone call. Sometimes, I’ll even forewarn new friends prior to deepening the relationship about my crassy brashness.
The problem with this approach is the reality of the written word. Once they’re created and distributed, they’re there for-ev-er. This is especially true of email as it is addressed to an individual. Ouch. The reality of that particular truth should be sobering. Especially for emotionally spastic individuals like myself. But oftentimes, unfortunately, it is not. For so many of us, there is an emotional release when the deed is done that’s difficult to replicate otherwise. It’s this selfishness that drives us to do it repeatedly until we have no friends left.
Now, keep in mind that there are times when it’s completely appropriate to send a tone deaf email, but…
you’d better be absolutely certain that you’re prepared for the fallout, whatever that may entail. I urge you to think through the worst case scenarios and swallow hard before pressing the “send” button.
Saying a prayer beforehand doesn’t hurt matters either as well as making a DRAFT of the email and letting it sit for 24 hours before sending it.
Electronic words (and their arrangement) can cut very deep.
