Years ago, I worked with a beautiful young woman who was confused. Or at least I thought she was confused. She didn't strike me as naive or ignorant. Also, she was strikingly beautiful both physically and personally.
At the time, she was partially shacking up with her much older boyfriend. He was a successful and good looking, divorced businessman who had no business having sex with this woman, but nevertheless he was doing it under the auspice that he loved her. And who could argue with his standing in the community, his personal wealth, and his gentlemanly demeanor? Obviously no one, including her parents.
One day, I had the opportunity to ask the woman over lunch in the company breakroom if she was a Christian. She replied "Yes!" adamantly. Then I asked her why she was having sex with her boyfriend.
I had been right about her ignorance.
I found out a few weeks later that she went to one of our co-workers soon thereafter and asked if the Bible mentioned sex before marriage being sin. Thankfully, the co-worker decreed "Yes!".
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I've known many, many guys who've had sex with their girlfriends, their friend-girls, their friends' mothers, their boyfriends, their friend-boys, their cousins, and nephews. The only scenario I haven't heard of (yet) is a guy having sex with a friend's father or sibling. Everything else, is accounted for. Some of these men are Christian ministers and deacons. Others are pagans. Others are somewhere "in between" depending on what day of the month it is.
When I was in high school, a friend asked me to accompany him to see the film Dirty Dancing. The film was showing in a theater across town, and since it was rated PG-13, we needed his sister to get both of us tickets into the show. Her boyfriend drove us with Yaz blaring through her navy blue Mercury Capri's sound system. After we arrived, she bought our tickets, and the two of them left. I asked my friend why they didn't stay to watch the film. He replied that they were going to a motel to have sex. I remember being shocked and then feeling sick to my stomach. It had been obvious to me from the moment I met the boy earlier in the evening that he couldn't be trusted.
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My father speaks from experience when he tells me that "they just don't know any better" when he and I have witnessed the ramifications of fornication even within our own family. My parents were teenagers when they started having sex. Eventually, they got pregnant with me.
A few years back at my parents' church, my Dad and Mom helped coordinate an effort to challenge a group of teenage girls, who were from within the community but whose families weren't members of the church, to cherish their virginity and ultimately wait for the fruition of betrothal before giving it up. We joked amongst ourselves after the "Promise Ring" ceremony (which I was asked to film) over the irony of their involvement in leading the group. The fact that their marriage survived those early tumultuous years with little Rob in tow is a miracle in itself.
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When I was a boy, my father had a beautiful black labrador retriever that he spent many hours training. She was a wonderful dog. At least on three occasions, he coordinated her breeding with another labrador, raised the puppies, and sold them for a hefty profit. When this dog would go into heat, my father was vigilant to keep her confined to her pen in the corner of our large backyard.
One day, I came home from school and found the bitch out of her pen and tied to a stray mutt. In this case, I didn't know any better, and therefore ran at them at full speed screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!". Both of them panicked while the dog tried to free himself. Before I could reach them, they were disconnected painfully. Eight weeks later, we had puppies, all of which had to be euthanized shortly thereafter due to genetic disease.
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One of the friends referenced above lost his virginity when he was 12 or 13 years old. He's described to me how he can sniff out women who want to have sex. And in the past, he would pursue this kind of woman for that sole purpose. One of his closest childhood friends was a girl who he regularly had coitus with for the sheer fun of it. And this boy grew up going to church REGULARLY.
Another man enjoyed picking up women after a long multi-day shift in law enforcement. The ritual of getting dressed up to "go out on the town" served as his own private foreplay prior to bedding someone's daughter later on in the evening. This happened week after week after week.
A roommate of mine in college, on multiple occasions, would use our dorm room to have sex with his girlfriend against my wishes. I remember on one occasion, coming back to our room mid-morning after class, only to have the partially opened solid core door slammed back on my hand by the muscleman himself. Unbeknownst to me, he was having his penis sucked on vigorously from just a few feet away.
Weeks later, I would be revulsed when hearing him deem this same girl a "cocksucker" in a whispered tone over our room telephone.
Sex between teen couples at her parents' house while her parents are away.
Mutual masturbation under a blanket on the bus during the church youth trip with the youth minister sitting in the row ahead.
And on and on it goes....sex, sex, and more sex.
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When I tell other men my story, I find that they're open to answering questions regarding their own sex lives. Sometimes, they even volunteer the information. This is very common. What isn't so common is a sense of regret for what they've done with these women / men despite the fact that their behavior and subsequently attitude related to casual sex may have changed since then.
Sex for men is all about action. At times, it gives the man / boy an opportunity to express his feelings, but during the remaining romps, it's not about that at all. What it is about is seven to eight minutes of risk taking and a sense of conquest packaged within one or two orgasms.
For women, sex is about emotional connection / relation. Even if she's only known the man that she's allowing to penetrate her vagina for just a few days, within her own mind, she's convinced on some level that he'll stay. She does this in an attempt to protect her emotional self which is not so robust. That fragility is by God's design. Its been there from the beginning of her existence.
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Sexual intercourse is the end result of hormones for young people and lovers who are ready to consummate their love for each other. There's no need to wait for a ridiculous wedding ceremony to share a bed. Just do it!
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If you're a Christian, and you have children, it is your responsibility to make a decision for the sake of your children regarding the role of sexual activity in your own life first. Second, based on that decision, you must decide how you will instruct these little ones in regards to it as well. They are your future. And much is riding on your decisions regarding sex and your ability to instruct them as they are reared within your home.
Specifics are yet to come...
