Heel

Years ago, I wrote a letter to an acquaintance of ours that we (Ang and I) both grew up with.  At the time, this man was an over achieving sociologist, who had recently finished a well received book that succintly captured the profiles of a large group of circumstantially similar Christians.  Within my letter, I asked him to consider writing a book about men like myself.  A book that provided insight into the lives of gay men who married women, fathered children, etc.  I felt (and still feel) that this book would help to provide a voice for these individuals within a world that seems to turn either a deaf ear in our direction or one that is fiercely derogatory and antagonistic.  

This seemed like an especially good idea at the time because this author was riding a sizable wave of popularity somewhat between both the secular and Christian press.  In my mind there was no one better suited to unearth such an awkward subject as effectively. 

But alas, he responded to my letter as I hadn't hoped.  It consisted of three pages of handwritten slog that I skimmed through for a few seconds before filing away in the refuse can.  I wasn't looking for a therapist (he hadn't known I was gay).  I needed an author.  An author with the motivation to write the book that I wanted written.  Unfortunately, he wasn't interested in pursuing the subject matter that I'd suggested.

I haven't thought much about this disappointing time until this week.  The week of the question.

Looking back, the author's main motivation for writing his first book may not have been rooted entirely in heartfelt interest.  There've been no subsequent books that I know of that have been penned by this man.  A book like the one I'd like to see written is unlikely to be one that serves to catapult an author into respected circles, which his first one did.  Finding families who would be willing to participate would also be very challenging, compared to the subjects he'd dealt with in the past who were likely honored to be labeled alongside their peers.  Both of these realities had to have made it a hard sell within his mind.  The one detail I'm not sharing with you was our belief that this man would also be able to relate to our situation, therefore the book might give him the opportunity to take on a subject matter that hit close to home.

Surprisingly, my book idea is still there.  And not surprisingly, there are still plenty of men in my position who need a voice. 

I did allude to this idea in a previous blog post. 

I'm no sociologist.  I'm an architect.  How do I even begin to design something that can't be built with conventional tools or materials?  How do I find people who want to stay hidden?  What's the most effective way to communicate my motives in order to gain these individual's trust?  How do I tell stories without sounding or looking like the Gore's?  

And finally, how could an architect write a book on something other than buildings without it also ending up here (like the Gore's book did)?

I wonder if there's anyone reading this post who'd be willing to participate in such an endeavor.  Maybe not as publicly as we've chosen, but participate nonetheless.

I want those stories.