The Ennis curse

2005's Brokeback Mountain is a film that captured the hearts of many a gay man and repulsed many a straight.  I remember working with a woman who wanted very much to watch it with her beau who consistently refused.  And who can blame him?  The subject matter is tough to stomach.  It's like a dick chick flick.  I had the privilege to watch the film this past Halloween night with my Tim.  Here are my thoughts on this brave celluloid undertaking. 

When I was a boy I read DC comics, or at least a few DC comics' titles, on a regular basis.  Marvel simply didn't have the art style that caught my eye.  Oh how I loved George Perez' work!  I had never seen women penciled so beautifully.

One particular DC character was secretly this gay man's favorite.  And not only because she was a brunette.  It was her origin story that kept me coming back for more.  I can now look back  (knowing much more about the Marvel universe - thanks to recent films) and contrast this character (Donna Troy) with another superheroine - Marvel's infamous Rogue.

Why take the time to do this within a film review?  Be patient, dear reader.  As many of you know, I rarely think linearly.

My first memory of being enamored with the same sex is probably somewhat similar to other mens' stray vestiges from the past - whether they be gay or straight.  I can remember being monitored by an older boy (he was probably 8 or 9) when I was around the age of 3 or 4 whilst out in the yard swimming in an inflatable pool.  Just to have him there completely focused on my antics was fantastic!  Obviously, there was nothing unusual about that.  I also remember briefly capturing his attention close to a decade later on a Friday night during the school year.  My grandfather and I had stopped by his parents' home late in the evening, and he was just getting cleaned up from playing in the local academy football game.  Oh, what a sight!  Seeing that athletically built teen present his naked torso (he was just getting out of the shower) to us was truly a religious experience for me.  It was like the second coming.  Or perhaps the third or fourth, to be completely honest.  I knew then that something was most definitely skewed within my psyche.  I didn't stop thinking about that boy for quite some time afterwards.  It was lust at first sight.

Donna Troy was found by Wonder Woman as a toddler.  The child was rescued from her burning home and eventually adopted by the Amazon princess after it was determined that her kin were impossible to locate.  Wonder Woman took the girl with her back to Themyscira (Paradise Island) to grow up in the care of her mother and "the village" of Amazonians despite the fact that Donna was mortal and all the other females weren't.

The Amazons hadn't just been (re)created by the gods as flawlessly beautiful women, many of them were also brilliant scientists.  The "purple ray" device was one of their creations.  With it, each woman transferred a small portion of herself to the young Donna Troy, thereby instilling her with an equal portion of "Amazon warrior woman" as the originals.  Hence, she eventually became Wonder Girl.

Rogue is a mutated human being.  A woman who gained her "gifts" through evolution.  These gifts enable her to absorb the life from other humans and subsequently, similar "gifts" from other mutants for a short period of time.  If she's unable to touch another individual, she cannot perform her unusual talent, and subsequently carry out her intended purpose as a member of the X-men.  [Not much of an origin story, is it?]


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Ennis Del Mar, I believe, is damaged goods.  Like every man, he has the ability to grow through what I like to refer to as masculine osmosis, but either isn't presented with the opportunity or opportunity enough.  Therefore, he makes a poor choice which results in major heartache for himself and many, many others that surround him.  This includes Jack Twist.

That poor choice was sodomy.

I believe Jack Twist had tasted this bitter fruit in the past and upon seeing Ennis was hungry for more.  Ennis, though initially seemingly dimwitted, soon proved capable of sensation and nuanced understanding.  Expecting an opportunity to present itself, he instinctively took control despite his better judgement.  It didn't take long before he came to realize the severity of his actions, despite the fact that he was using their ramifications as a jumping off point towards a quick fix to his own monumental problem. 

If you remove the sex and the booze and cigs, what you're left with is a strong friendship that survives much, much longer than most.  That friendship is what's at the heart of this film.

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My grandfather, for as long as I can remember, has been a ditch digger.  He works for Humphrey's county, cleaning out the network of storm water drainage ditches which crisscross the rural landscape within the Mississippi Delta.  A dragline excavator is his modus operandi.  Working alongside him is a bulldozer operator.  Over the years, the men who've worked in that position, have become close friends with my grandad.  Day after day, they meet at the jobsite at dawn, work until lunch (where they eat under a shade tree - if one is available), and then shut down at 3.  The only deterent to this routine is broken down machinery.  If you spend time alongside these men as they work (as I did as a child on many occasions), you will witness the following:

-  It's unbelievably hot running an earthmover during the Mississippi summer.
-  It's easy to get bored.
-  Without the other man there to assist / accompany, the work ethic within either would collapse.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say that neither man would last long without the other despite the fact that they rarely interact verbally during the course of the day.

The fact that both men are committed to their own role as well as supporting the role of the other carries them through day after day, month after month, year after year.  And there's no hanky panky in the bed of either man's truck no matter how isolated their location.

There doesn't "need" to be.

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Passive Building Systems was a class I had to take as a freshman in architecture school.  I had no idea what it was about until the first day.  Overall, I really enjoyed the class, though not necessarily due to the subject matter.

A passive building system is one that is baked into the design of a building.  Usually, these systems only work (at all) if they're considered and begin to be incorporated at the schematic design phase.  Some of the most beautiful buildings utilize passive systems to heat and cool and provide interior lighting to the occupants.  That's not to say that active systems aren't also provided to supplement extreme conditions, but overall it's the passive design that helps to give the building its integrity.

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For a man to sodomize or perform oral sex on another man requires two things:

-  horniness
-  the ability to transcend the holiness veil which separates one's mind into distinct compartments.

Combine these two components, and you have almost achieved what so many men simply find to be unthinkable.

Have you ever tried to force your mind to consider the pain of a huge emotional loss?  Have you ever attempted to trick your brain by hypothesizing every last detail of this unexpected tragedy?  If so, how far were you able to go with it i.e. how much pain were you able to endure before backing out?

Immediately prior to the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I divested a great deal of time looking into the details of this horrific event.  I watched a few documentaries, read a number of articles, etc.  I did this as an exercise to see just how much I could stand AND as a way to honor those who'd lost their lives in the attack.  Unfortunately, it had long lasting implications.  For the first time in my life, I truly felt completely removed from God.

Gay men are numb to the emotional pain / discomfort associated with the thought of gay sex.  It simply doesn't exist within their minds, therefore seeing the same sex as fair game comes "naturally" to them.  Despite the fact that they have a choice to pursue this road physically, many do so simply because their hormones as well as their circumstances propel them forward, as if they're riding an anamolous undersea current deep beneath the ocean's surface.

The message I appreciate most from this film is the one that challenges the viewer to think hard about the collateral damage that gay sex always brings with it.

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I heard a woman call into Dr. Laura Schlessinger's radio program asking for advice on how to erase from her mind the vivid and compelling memory associated with having her first orgasm.  She wanted to do so because the man who'd helped her achieve this state of  euphoria wasn't her husband but a previous boyfriend.  In fact, he was the only other man she'd allowed herself to have intercourse with.  The situation was causing the woman to doubt her love and commitment to her spouse despite the fact that her husband was well versed in lovemaking.

Dr. Laura could offer the caller nothing other than sympathy.  She went on to explain that some individuals (women, more often than not) develop a deep emotional connection to men they sleep with, and that the situation was amplified due to it being not only someone the woman loved but the first man she'd allowed to penetrate and subsequently intensely pleasure her.  Having his penis inside her for those few precious minutes was more than a physical act.  It transcended the moment, and in her mind, bound the two of them together emotionally on a level that could never be duplicated.

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The scene that was most moving to me within this film occurs right after Jack and Ennis part ways for the first time.  The camera follows Ennis as he walks down a dirt road until he steals into an open shed after Jack's truck is out of sight.  He crouches down and begins to sob uncontrollably, hiding his face from the sunlight beyond.  The camera is low to the ground as it captures the poignancy of this unexpected moment as if we're right there with the young cowboy.

This moment was pivotal in my understanding of Ennis.  His weeping occurred not only over his loss of a dear friend but at his loss of hope over making peace with himself and his own personal demons.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Ennis was also experiencing emotional anguish over the unnecessary impact he'd made on his much weaker and very different lover.  It is a pivotal moment for a complicated character, that just happens to be acted out masterfully by a young Heath Ledger.

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I've never liked football very much, though I've attended hundreds of games over the course of my life.  Football is a game that's not difficult to understand or follow due to the fact that it is well paced.  Because of the controlled physical nature of the sport, it reeks of civilized masculinity.  There's also a great deal of strategy involved as one team works to advance the ball within certain regulatory limitations.  Lastly, if you're interested in visualizing what it means to participate in a team sport, there's few that trump the individual cohesiveness of this one.

Professional, collegiate, and high school football teams are followed closely throughout the United States.  The obligatory quarterback is often reveled or reviled based on his performance on the field.  Those who are the former, pitch everything from banking services to deodorant to the American public via television commercials and print ads.

If you were like me as a young man, you scoffed at this foolishness and turned your nose up in disgust, all in the name of taking the high road.  But when I take the time to look back at my true motives, I see my own poor choices staring back at me.

When I had the opportunity (and no, there weren't very many) to learn to embrace masculinity in a healthy way (whether it be through learning to respect sports or any other masculine endeavor), I REFUSED.  And I did so because I believed that all of that was beneath me.  I allowed my pride to stand in the way of the one thing I needed most.  Having missed that opportunity, I found myself like young Jack Twist.  That is to say, very, very vulnerable and extremely "misinformed".

Thank God I was spared the curse of my own Ennis Del Mar.  I shudder to think of where I'd be today if that weren't the case.  I can tell you that there were a handful of Ennises (especially in college) that I orbited for a short while whilst carrying out my own secret fantasy.  Where would I be had they taken advantage of the situation?  Thanks be to God that I'll never know.

Final thoughts:

No amount of forced normalcy (via the media or porn) within our present day society will ever change the bastion deterrent relative to man on man sex.  That is, there will always be a better way to achieve the same goal within every gay (or straight) man without ever laying such a destructive and ignominious path through their lives and the lives of the ones they love.  For some, this is more difficult to do than others due to their individual circumstances and personas.  But for those who do choose the "straight" path, it's worth the effort and even the sacrifice in the end.  Especially if you find and ultimately follow Jesus along the way.

I recommend that everyone take the time to see this film.  It is well worth it.

Lagniappe