Should you tell your parents?

Regardless of whether you do or don't, they already know, or at least your mother knows.  Unless she's of really low intelligence or maybe a drunk.

To be a parent is to be suspicious of your children.  It comes with the territory, and it doesn't take long to suspect that a child might be gay or lesbian.

For me, I found myself telling my parents I was gay when I fell in love with my wife.  You might ask, was I sexually attracted to her?  Yes.  Had you ever been sexually attracted to another woman?  No.  Was the sexual attraction full on at the outset of your relationship?

Our situation was unique.  Ang and I first met when we were children.  We'd known each other as teens, even gone on one "date", therefore we definitely started our relationship as friends which then lead to dating during our college years.  Dating resulted in us falling in love.  Soon thereafter, I began to experience intense feelings of sexual attraction.  Unfortunately, this resulted in us fooling around a lot prior to our wedding day.  I don't recommend doing this.  It is a mockery.  I was to blame for this and take full responsibility for my poor choices.

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My Dad, just a short time prior to me coming out to he and my Mom had given me a copy of a radio broadcast from "Focus on the Family" which featured Dr. Joseph Nicolosi.  I was embarrassed to have been given this gift, but nevertheless, I took the opportunity to listen to it and found comfort there.  Eventually after coming out to my parents, I began counseling with Nicolosi himself via telephone.  This lasted for a couple of months.

Today, I am blessed with many guy friends, some of which are single and most of which are not ugly.  When my Dad sees me with these men, he always suspects that I'm having sex with them.  I know this may sound severe, but again, it's part of being a parent.  Over time, my Dad will eventually drop his guard relative to the dude, but in the end it comes down to him fully understanding me as his son.

My Dad knows how deceitful I can be if I so choose, plus he knows how adept I am at keeping secrets.  This comes from him having reared me within his home.  Despite the fact that we were never emotionally close, he was always there watching over me and my mother as I grew from boy to man.

Does it make me angry when I sense that he's defaulting towards this position?  It used to, but it doesn't anymore.  Now that I'm a parent myself, I understand where he's coming from.  He can't help what he's doing.  It's his job as my Dad.  And he will always be my Dad.

Does he make a big deal out of it?  No.  He knows that I'll stand up to his accusations and defend my own ground, and he doesn't want to risk damaging the delicate network that's between us.  This is a smart move on his part.

Out of respect for him, I make a point to answer his questions (usually down the road), regardless of how I'm feeling.  And, I do so honestly and without lacing any of my responses with sarcasm (which is often very hard to do).